Is it ever okay to trash your ex in public? The Love Island: All Stars certainly think so

“When public figures open up about their breakups, it can make them more relatable, showing that they experience heartache and challenges just like anyone else,” she explains. “Sharing these stories can offer comfort to others, helping people to feel less alone in their own experiences. However, there’s a delicate line between sharing openly about personal challenges and doing so in a way that shifts blame, lacks accountability and may even be disrespectful to previous partners.”

Whether you’ve got a huge online following or not, the temptation to trash your ex is undeniably a key part of human nature, though, according to Madalaine. She explains that it can serve as a way to process post-breakup emotions such as hurt, resentment and anger. “For many people, verbalising these feelings helps make sense of the breakup, offering a semblance of closure,” she explains. “This process can be beneficial when paired with self-reflection and accountability, acknowledging one’s role in the relationship’s dynamics and the lessons learned.”

It can also help us feel like we’re in control. After all, breakups can make us feel like we’re not in control of anything, least of all our feelings. “Criticising an ex can restore a false sense of control, offering a way to reassert power in a situation that may have felt disempowering,” Madalaine says. “It creates a narrative where we emerge as the wronged party, reinforcing our sense of moral superiority. This can activate the brain’s reward system, providing a temporary ego boost as we position ourselves as the more reasonable or capable partner.

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“However, this false sense of control can be detrimental, and instead, processing our feelings in a healthy way, and understanding our learnings from the relationship is actually the only way to fully step back into our power.”

So while the temptation to do so is pretty understandable, there are numerous reasons why criticising your ex publicly could be harmful to yourself and others – firstly because according to Madalaine it can “can trap us in a cycle of bitterness and resentment” instead of reflecting on the shared reality of the situation. “When we focus solely on our ex’s faults, we miss the opportunity to reflect on our own growth and what we needed to be different in the relationship,” she explains.